New Year's Eve!

Wow.  December 31st already. Just like everyone else on the planet, I am surprised at how quickly this last year has gone by.  On January 1, 2009 I never would have guessed that I would be sitting in Baghdad, Iraq on December 31st, 2009.  Life is full of surprises, isn't it?

Looking back on the last year, I realize that many of my dreams and goals have been fulfilled.  I have a deep and happy, loving relationship with my husband and son, my parents and brothers and sisters are all healthy and happy, my friends continue to be my friends; supporting me with unspeakable acts of kindness on a daily basis.  How lucky am I?

Actually, I'm one of those people who believes (drum roll for a Vince Lombardi quote) that "luck is the residue of design."  I'm not happy because I am lucky, rather I truly believe that I am happy because I choose to be happy.  It's a choice. 

So, despite my whining and bitching about porta-potties, mud and being far from home and family....I am still quite happy.  New friends, new experiences and the calendar moving closer and closer to my redeployment date certainly help.

On to my goals for 2010: in no particular order

1.  Come home safely

2.  Run a trail 50k by Fall

3.  Do 30,000 situps and 15,000 pushups for the year

4.  Play golf at St. Andrews

I'm sure I'll think of others, this is just what I came up with off the top of my head.

Tonight was certainly one of the more interesting nights of my life.  Our little group grabbed a few minutes to eat and decided to go check out a different chow hall than we have been going to for the last several months.  Not too far from where we normally eat, but on a different side of the base.  We really enjoy each others company and had a great conversation about life and love and where we all want to be next year...great conversation until the IDFs (indirect fire/rockets) started rolling in.  Before we new it, we were on lockdown at the chow hall and the sirens were going off.  Apparently, several rounds hit the base, with 2 of them extremely close to the building we were in.  I felt the earth shake, but I never felt as though I was in any danger.

How's that for a way to ring in the New Year?  So, 10 years ago I was at a Jimmy Buffett concert in Los Angeles celebrating the new millennium, this year I celebrate with a rocket attack.  I have a knack for memorable New Year's Eves, don't I?

So...Happy New Year to everyone out there.  Thanks for reading my blog for the last few months, I hope I can continue to entertain you.

Christmas Eve....

Never in my wildest dreams ever think that I would spend a Christmas Eve the way I have today.  

I am 51% Finnish, and as such have always celebrated more on Christmas Eve than on Christmas Day.  As we speak, my brothers and sisters, husband and son are driving up to my parents house to spend the afternoon hanging out, setting the table, eating a GYNORMOUS traditional Finnish meal (ham, salt herring, rhudabegas, etc.) before opening ALL the presents.  Thankfully, now that we are grown, we have moved past the requisite and painful Story of Jesus reenactment.  (I mean really, does ANYONE believe that a dachshund is a camel?)

That's right.  We open all of our gifts on Christmas Eve...now that I am married, with a child of my own, I appreciate this family tradition even more.  No scurrying from house to house on Christmas day.  

I'm missing this year.  For only the second time ever in my life.  I am oddly okay with it; I feel much better than I ever expected.  Maybe because today was so busy.

We worked all morning, then this afternoon attended the promotion ceremony for Major General Joe Anderson.  He pinned on his second star today on the 3rd floor balcony of Al Faw Palace.  It was beautiful, the temps were in the 70s with a slight breeze.  The morning trash burn had ended and the skies were crystal clear.  I stood there among my fellow service members, Iraqi generals and several Ambassadors and thought:  how did I get here?  

After dinner, three of my friends and I attended the Christmas Eve Candlelight service in the rotunda of the palace.  It was really moving to sit there, among so many different sorts of people realizing that we were all probably thinking the same things.  Family.  Home.  Love.

The acoustics in the rotunda are amazing and singing Hark! The Herald Angels Sing! at the top of my lungs was certainly one of the highlights og my deployment so far.

I am so lucky that I have become friends with the three people in this photo with me.  Each is remarkable in their own way and I couldn't have survived the first 2 months of this experience with out them.  The only downer is that our 5th sidekick, Tom Gordy, wasn't with us...then again, he's home on R&R, so good for him!

I'd like to thank everyone who sent letters, cards and care packages during this holiday season.  I shared most of everything with my shipmates here, and all of it was appreciated.  Thank you for taking time out of your lives to think about me.  The support has been unspeakably kind.  Thank you.


I'll leave you with a funny Christmas card we received in our office this week.  Funny doesn't even begin to describe it.  This is the GOLD MEDAL World's Best Christmas Card Ever awardee of the year.

Dear SolDier,

It sucks you have to be over there with all of the iraqui People over Christmas.  I'm sorry that Sucks.  But Look at the Bright Side Your helping your Country.  Thank you.

Sincerly, 

Waylon

===================


Priceless...and 100% authentic.

Merry Christmas to you all....Much Love and I hope you all have a Joyous New Year.

How Many Mondays???

Bizarro moment number 8,367 during lunch today.  As I was sitting outside grabbing a bite to eat, I was momentarily transported back to the Hula Hut in Austin early last summer.  The slight wind and balmy temps, no doubt brought this on.  Susan and Glenn were across from me, a Shiner Bock and a delightful seafood quesadilla, the lake shimmering….

 

Sometimes while I sit here, I have slivers of intense memories of friends, family and other places that are so at odds with my current reality.  It’s very much like waking up from a dream where you swear you were having a conversation with someone like Audrey Hepburn…only to realize, that you’ve never met Audrey Hepburn.  (I had a dream about Nick Faldo like that several years ago, but that’s clearly a topic for someone else’s blog.)

 

Again, many apologies for not having written anything on the blog in quite some time.  For the last two weeks I have been suffering from horrible jet-lag.  I’ve been averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep per night, with two full nights where I did not sleep at all.  This unfortunate condition was brought on by a most fortunate and lucky circumstance; I came back to the Washington DC area for about a week of TDY!!!!

 

I was able to spend 8 days at home with my family while working during the day up at the Pentagon and Cap Hill.  Not only did I get to spend precious and unexpected time with my husband and son, brothers, sisters, parents and friends…it also meant that I was able to take showers for 8 straight days without shower shoes!  I also didn’t see a porta-pottie the entire time I was home.  It’s the little things, people.

There are a great many things I realized while on the trip and during the epic journey back to Baghdad.  First, I have the most amazing family and group of friends.  Of course, I knew this on an emotional and intellectual level already.  But seeing them after three months was visceral.  It frightened me.  It unnerved me to the point that I went out of my way to NOT see most people.  It was overwhelming at times.  My joy at seeing them brought on intense anxiety as I knew I didn’t want to say good bye again.  I overcame some of it, but not all of it.  I am sorry if I offended anyone.  Truly.

There were two occasions on the trip where the ‘large group of people/anxiety rule’ was ignored and muddled through.  First, on the Sunday that I got back my parents had everyone over to their house for lunch and Christmas tree decorating.  It was so much fun seeing all my nieces and nephews scramble to get the ornaments up and the lights on the tree.  I was able to spend several hours with my parents and brothers and sisters; it was divine and very restorative.

The second occasion was the roughly 90 minutes I was able to spend with a group of girlfriends one night after work.  We went to a bar in Chinatown and visited for a little while, reminisced about silly things in the news business and generally reconnected.  These ladies mean a lot to me and I am so grateful I could spend time with them.

There were also a few surprises when I came back.  When you are deployed you have this vague notion that the world sort of pauses or even stops when you are gone.  Your reality is what you can see, touch and feel.  Emails, skyping and Facebook go a long way towards connectivity, but there is still a massive chasm.

 

My son had a BIG surprise for me; Toby.  A small orange and white kitten.  Ummmm. WHAT?????????  I am soooo not a cat person, but what can you do?  Conor wanted the cat and the neighbor gave it to him.  Our golden retriever/mutt (Cooper) loves him, so there doesn’t seem to be any discord in the house, nor any turning back.

I was shocked and a little irritated that this had happened while I was away.  My husband and son know that I don’t particularly care for cats, yet they still brought one in to the family.  I suppose the cat can be considered the symbol of my absenteeism for the last 16 months.  While I was in my bed, making coffee in my kitchen and generally interacting as though no time had passed; Toby was the physical reminder that I feel like a guest in my own home.  Strange.  Not devastating, but certainly disconcerting.  One of many things I’ll have to work through if I ever come home.

One of the other things that sort of took me by surprise (but I think can be paired up with the “anxiety about seeing people” thing) was my discomfort in the grocery store.  Everything was so bright and shiny, there were so many choices.  It was overwhelming.  I’ve only been in Iraq for a hair over two months, but have grown used to the monochromatic surroundings and lack of choice.  Being at home was like starring in a Technicolor movie in surround sound!

Back at work now, I've come to realize how much I enjoy the folks I work for and with.  As much as I don't want to be here, I do enjoy my job and I am learning a tremendous amount.  I also deeply believe in what we are doing to help Iraq move towards democracy.  Is that alone worth the trade-off of being away from home?  We'll see.

Finally, I'm sure traveling for 48 hours had something to do with it, but I could NOT wait to get back to my little room.  My own slice of privacy and space in this crazy environment.  But some things never change....like dreading the porta-pottie at 3am.